Starting over in my 30s
As of this writing, I am six months postpartum.
Yes, you read that title right.
I’m in my 30s and never thought I would have to start over. A lot of life-changing things happened in the past year that became the catalyst of this reset. My husband and I moved to a new place, I had to take a break from work for four months to recover from giving birth and now, navigating motherhood with our first baby.
Once you have a child, everything changes. It was so immediate that I couldn’t accept it at first. I thought I could put everything in a rigid schedule just like work, I thought I could hang out with my friends just like before or have time to play games and eat out with my husband. No, it’s different. So different that I told my husband “We need friends who are married and have kids!”. (Just for context, in our circle of friends, we are the first to get married and have a child. And as of this writing, there is no one else who will get married or have kids any time soon.) Your priorities and spending habits change as well. Spending on concerts, buying clothes, playing games, eating out, and going on trips domestically or abroad became a luxury in my new life as a parent. Instinctively, you think about “What does my child need?” and prioritize that over anything else, even yourself.
For the people who know me, I’m a workaholic. I need to be doing something to keep my mind active, and giving up my work hit me hard. Those four months of recovery made me so restless. All I could think about was how long will it take for me to get back to work. It sounds ridiculous looking back at it now but I remember telling myself “I need to recover fast so I can work again”, unknowingly giving myself unnecessary pressure and stress when there shouldn’t be any. I remember I had to rely on my husband to sustain our household since I had to tell my clients that I would be on maternity leave. It was the hardest thing I had to do since there was no guarantee they would be hiring me again once I came back. My faith was tested here and it was tough. It wasn’t until the fifth month of recovery that slowly my clients came back and only now that I can help sustain our household. Within that period, I did my best to slow down, enjoy the milestones of my daughter, and just be present with her. I am grateful that my decision to start my own business back in 2020 benefited my current situation.
People may say “You are throwing your life away once you have kids,” I say that’s not the case. Life is the same, just with some extra steps. I do mourn my old self, my time alone, time with my husband, the things I wish I could have done, and the places I want to visit but I stand by my choice to marry and have a child now rather than later. As the saying goes, when one door closes, another opens.
As scary as it sounds, starting over isn’t so bad. I know I had to go through the motions to get to where I am now. And I now know that I need to allow myself to accept my new reality, and accept that there will be changes. Cheesy as it may be, once I had that mindset and perspective, somehow life became enjoyable. I just need to remind myself to take it one day at a time.
—————
Hi everyone! Thank you for reading this blog post. I wanted to finish this sooner but some personal stuff needed my time and attention first. Don’t worry, everything is okay now. I am slowly accepting clients again so if you know of anyone who needs a logo, packaging design, or marketing collaterals, just email me at wanderberryart@gmail.com
More to come, ‘til the next one. :)
